kiss factory

muy yum

2009-02-19T04:03:00.000-08:00

4:56am Kiri
i gotta start sleeping earlier.

4:57am Eslee
earlier than when

4:57am Kiri
like. now.

4:57am Eslee
earlier than a lovable lecher
it seems i'm accusing meself of being a "lovable lecher"

4:58am Kiri
haha!
quell...i slip off.

4:59am Eslee
yumly

5:00am Kiri
whoa your soundtrack is my 666th unread email!

5:00am Eslee
while y'all were in my room i briefly picked up and acknowledged a paintbrush that zannie had sent to me that is series number 666

5:00am Kiri
omen yo.
tee hee.

5:01am Eslee
u yum

2008-10-12T13:37:00.001-07:00

i woke this morning from a dream involving a baby giraffe that would accompany me on my travels perched on my shoulders or snuggled in my coat pocket.

Old Soul - Learning Lessons, Earning Gold

2008-05-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

Today I woke around 15:00, dressed, spoke to Sue briefly as I checked my email and other facets of the internet, then headed bicywise down the bowriver pathway to the Roasterie in Kensington where I read and drank coffee for some hours, spoke to some people, found money on the ground, sang. Next I road my bike up to north hill mall where I deposited a pay-cheque and withdrew some cash. I bought a banana, an orange, some almonds, and water at safeway, then sat at a table in front of the store & ate my fruit and nuts, drank water. at some point I began singing and arranging the fruit peels into what turned into something very mandala-esque. Next I traveled to the home of Jamie Tea, who was not there, I left some money for her roommate Tyson as payment for a cellphone he gave me, then back down the hill to the Roasterie where I sat, read, drank coffee, talked to people. I walked around the Kensington area intending to eat sushi but the places to do that were closed so I road my bike around downtown, walked it down 17th ave., road to my home, but I didn't go inside. Sue was having a dinner party and at the time I only wanted to attend if accompanied by the lovely Jamie Tea and it seemed she was not around so I continued on to the Blackfoot Diner, arriving around 21:00. I ate breakfast, drank coffee, read, wrote rhymes, listened to music, departed somewhereabouts 2:00, came home, checked email, replied to a note from Jamie, briefly scanned other sites, wrote this.

2008-05-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

It seems i've become drunk and on the way to drunker
[he pauses to get another beer]
several times tonight buddy tried to fuck me up, fight me, beat me up, hit me, comes with the scene i suppose
working in a bar
["eyes down eslee" he had said to himself, "adopt submissive posture" he said to himself, or it flashed thru his mind, or whatev, he took a step back, the large man leaned in closer, attempted to grab him over the bar. "relax friend," eslee said]

what's with my life these days
a brief attempt to shed some light on that question

my "home" or "where i am living" lately SE calgary, the community of "ramsey", on SPILLER ROAD, down the way from the SHAMROCK HOTEL, where i'm coming into my third year playing the bartender game. working nights - 17:30 to 3:30 monday tuesday thursday friday, with time off every full moon & the day after.
my roommate: sue faulkner, jr. highschool teacher, into the theatre scene. met her through jamie tea. initially wanted to get-down with her but now that i live with her have figured it out of the equation, for convenience sake, more-or-less (still crosses my mind, seriously she's hot)

i haven't smoked weed since 08/04/08 d/m/y and "i'm as high as ever" i've claimed to people

there a full moon coming up on monday the 19th, at 19:11, i overheard sue talking about having a dinner party that night, i wonder how that will jive with the fact that i will eat mushrooms and MEDITATE or whatever - i have a goal or at least an idea to get on a lunar schedule with the mushrooms. rituals, magick,

my lover: Jamie Tea - as lovely as lovely can be
if you too were lucky enough to witness the way she moves, naked, waking up - the word "wiggle" comes to mind
oh, the way she runs, like a child
delight, her eyes - alight
sexual and comfortable, playful
her creative impulse strong, throbbing, infectious
truly a masterpiece as far as works of nature are concerned
plus we seem to have an incredible psychic bond
also there have been these two incidences with "weird lights" - i'll explain:
1. we were making out in my truck parked on the road in front of her house. for a long while we gazed into eachothers eyes, and as i looked at her it seemed my perception of her face was much like as if i was high on LSD. "are you reading my mind?" i thought. "are you reading my mind?" she said. "waooashgalghagalshge!@!!!@#$@Y^@!!!!!!$!!@$!@!!!!!" &c., then the entire truck LIT UP BRIGHT. from where i was sitting it seemed as if the light was reflected into the light from the passenger-side mirror. familiar with my truck & the orientation of the mirrors there-on as i am, i "knew" that if i looked out my back window i would see the location that the light in the mirror was reflecting from. however, looking out my back window i could see that the truck parked behind us was off, not casting any lights. further examination out the other windows revealed that the entire truck seemed to be "lit up", though the source of the light was uncertain. it really seemed like it was "coming out" of the mirror. we flipped out for a bit, then it just "turned off".
2. a few days later, we were getting it on (like, sexually inter-coursing stylez) in my truck parked on the road in front of her house, like in the lil blurb above, only on the other side of the street. i was laying across the seat and she was draped over me. i had a good view of the sky above us out the back window, and something caught my eye. "do you see that?" i indicated to what seemed like a strangely moving light in the sky. she confirmed, then we watched it for a while. the light moved it straight lines, curves, turned at sharp angles, doubled back on itself, seemed to move in patterns like loops, triangles, squares, grew and shrunk in size, increased & decreased in speed, moved in a way that seemed generally erratic, and at one point, when it seemed to "come closer" it seemed to be "mounted on a triangle". later i was told by various people that an "unidentified flying object" had been reported on the "news" as having been seen by several people, or whatev.

around the same time (like, within a few days) my friend Ef Yordan/Jordan Forester relayed an experience that went something like this: he was at his house with a few of his roommates & friends, and the room seemed to become illuminated by a strange light. "what the fuck" &c. so they covered all the windows with blankets and yet the light persisted. the dog was freaking out, Ef approached the illuminated wall and it seemed as if it was actually glowing OUT of the wall. the dog was freaking out. brohan nearby started to cry.

[he pauses to get another beer. he's had four. he wonders how the folks at the bar can drink so much]

how do i talk about this
well there's this lady Kiri Rix
she's had me interested since i can remember knowing her
eagerly i would devour her cryptic internet jottings, and even go so far as to cryptically internet jot "responses" to her.
though mysterious, there seemed to be something i could "get" about her.
recently i managed to get some alone time with her, mushrooms & hawaii baby woodrose seeds were involved, also kissing - very lovely and sweet, actually.

[the sun has just come up {poof zip zam blam, just like that} and i'm drunk]

okay so without going into the details of how i managed to lay my lips on this sweet young lady (Kiri) or the details of relaying those details to the other sweet young lady that i've been laying my lips on (Jamie) I will attempt to convey at least partially the particular social dynamic that occurred one monday night at the shamrock hotel while i was at work and this guy Larry was freaking out about my tattoo and also about a. crowley. Jamie was sitting on the bar, hanging out with me. I had told her about Kiri recently and while it wasn't exactly smooth, I attributed it mostly to her attempt at stopping the cigarettes, also it probably was quite a surprise, and also not so much totally out-of-the-blue. what do i mean by that. deal with it. so anyway i had been hanging out with her but this guy Larry had noticed my tattoo and somehow for some reason brought up crowley and flipped out when i acknowledged, so i was preoccupied with him when Kiri and Anne arrived. Meg Sekiya also arrived, shortly thereafter. Long story short, there seemed a lot of unspoken tensions shooting around, Meg seemed to help in easing it, though there's something there as well, boy-oh-boy i fell in love with that lady hard and she, well, left me confused. I'm still un-sure what to think. When i finished work and meg went on her way and kiri & anne went on their ways, I went to my home with Jamie, and we had it out for a while in front of my house, dredging out fears and anxieties, then we seemed to lull, and she came in and we went to sleep together, or at least i fell asleep, and as i did so in my sleep i said "i love you, Kiri" and then woke to Jamie reacting to my statement, fleeing my house, me chasing her, convincing her to at least let me drive her, then doing that, then we slept at her house . . . .. .. ...

A few days later the three of us sat down together at the roasterie, drank coffee, discussed briefly the possibility of working a successful relationship involving the three of us. Jamie did most of the talking.

At present things on that front seem hopeful. I have lots of fun with the two of them individually, and am excited about things to come.

I took out my guitar the other day, played some songs for Kiri. Good to remember I can make beautiful music with the thing.

Also it turns out I can cook.

Sue has a keyboard which I've banged around on a few times. Am excited to train my voice with the thing.

2001: a Space Odyssey: good movie.

2007-07-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

moose month

2007-07-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

follow the breadcrumbs

2007-07-06T12:16:00.001-07:00

"here, i'll show you"

"what, it's a tree"

"but think of all it implies !!"

character ranch

2007-06-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

last chance for a slow dance

2007-06-19T16:05:00.001-07:00

the genuine article

2007-06-16T14:25:00.001-07:00

# Due to liquor, the house as well as the body get destroyed.
# The labour of the poor should not be sacrificed for arrack.
* Build a tomb for this dangerous liquor.
* Due to drinking darkness engulfs your life and vaccume fills your future.
* Ban on liquor is giving life to the dreams of Bapuji.
* A wine shop is a step to death.
* A drunken man is a fallen man.
* Forget liquor - shape your family.
# A man who drinks liquor his heart becomes harsh and he cannot look after his wife and children.
# Throw away this dangerous habit
Salute to the ban on arrack.
* Friendship with liquor is like foregoing everything in life.
* With liquor, you become mad - Your life changes its normal course.
* If you are with liquor - Graveyard is at your back.
* Don't go near liquor - Don't ruin your house.
* Liquor gives you a great enjoyment - but brings troubles to health.
* Don't drink - don't invite problems.
* Prevent men from drinking - Protect the society from the evil.
* Oh brother! please stop drinking liquor - don't go near the crematorium.
* The house where no one drinks is a house full of flowers of joy.
* If you drink, you cannot get food,
if you stop the habit, you get your livelihood.

i fold you so (a miracle!)

A LIFE IN MOMENTS

may your luck increase exponentially

2007-06-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

the imbed is disabled for this video, but not this one:

it's ALWAYS four-twenty SOMEWHERE that's the way time WORKS

jugglezone

2007-06-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

This card is referred to the letter Beth, which means a house, and is attributed to the planet Mercury. The ideas connected with this symbol are so complex and so multifarious that it seems better to attach to this general description certain documents which bear upon different aspects of this card. The whole will then form an adequate basis for the full interpretation of the card through study, meditation, and use.

The French title of this card in the medieval pack is "Le Bâteleur", the Bearer of the Bâton. { Variant: LE PAGAD. Origin unknown. Suggestions: (I) PChD terror (esp. Panic fear) a title of Geburah. Also a thigh: i.e.membrurn virile. By Arabic analogy, PAChD, causer of terror: Value 93!! (2) Pagoda, a phallic memorial: Similar, and equally apt.} Mercury is pre-eminently the bearer of the Wand: Energy sent forth. This card therefore represents the Wisdom, the Will, the Word, the Logos by whom the worlds were created. (See the Gospel according to St. John, chapter I.) It represents the Will. In brief, he is the Son, the manifestation in act of the idea of the Father. He is the male correlative of the High Priestess. Let there be no confusion here on account of the fundamental doctrine of the Sun and Moon as the Second Harmonics to the Lingam and the Yoni; for, as will be seen in the citation from The Paris Working, (see Appendix) the creative Mercury is of the nature of the Sun. But Mercury is the Path leading from Kether to Binah, the Understanding; and thus He is the messenger of the gods, represents precisely that Lingam, the Word of creation whose speech is silence.

Mercury, however, represents action in all forms and phases. He is the fluidic basis of all transmission of activity; and, on the dynamic theory of the Universe, he is himself the substance thereof. He is, in the language of modern physics, that electric charge which is the first manifestation of the ring of ten indefinable ideas, as previously explained. He is thus continuous creation.

Logically also, being the Word, he is the law of reason or of necessity or chance, which is the secret meaning of the Word, which is the essence of the Word, and the condition of its utterance. This being so, and especially because he is duality, he represents both trnth and falsehood, wisdom and folly. Being the unexpected, he unsettles any established idea, and therefore appears tricky. He has no conscience, being creative. If he cannot attain his ends by fair means, he does it by foul. The legends of the youthful Mercury are therefore legends of cunning. He cannot be understood, because he is the Unconscious Will. His position on the Tree of Life shows the third Sephira, Binah, Understanding, as not yet formulated; still less the false Sephira, Da'ath, knowledge.

From the above it will appear that this card is the second emanation from the Crown, and therefore, in a sense, the adult form of the first emanation, the Fool, whose letter is Aleph, the Unity. These ideas are so subtle and so tenuous, on these exalted planes of thought, that definition is impossible. It is not even desirable, because it is the nature of these ideas to flow one into the other. One cannot do more than say that any given hieroglyph represents a slight insistence upon some particular form of a pantomorphous idea. In this card, the emphasis is upon the creative and dualistic character of the path of Beth.

In the traditional card the disguise is that of a Juggler.

This representation of the Juggler is one of the crudest and least satisfactory in the medieval pack. He is usually represented with a headdress shaped like the sign of infinity in mathematics (this is shown in detail in the card called the Two of Disks). He bears a waud with a knob at each end, which was probably connected with the dual polarity of electricity; but it is also the hollow wand of Prometheus that brings down fire from Heaven. On a table or altar, behind which he is standing, are the three other elemental weapons.

"Wth the Wand createth He.
With the Cup preserveth He.
With the Dagger destroyeth He.
With the Coin redeemeth He.
Liber Magi vv. 7-10."

The present card has been designed principally upon the Graeco-Egyptian tradition; for the understanding of this idea was certainly further advanced when these philosophies modified each other, than elsewhere at any time.

The Hindu conception of Mercury, Hanuman, the monkey god, is abominably degraded. None of the higher aspects of the symbol are found in his cult. The aim of his adepts seems principally to have been the production of a temporary incarnation of the god by sending the women of the tribe every year into the jungle. Nor do we find any legend of any depth or spirituality. Hanuman is certainly little more than the Ape of Thoth.

The principal characteristic of Tahuti or Thoth, the Egyptian Mercury, is, firstly, that he has the head of the ibis. The ibis is the symbol of concentration, because it was supposed that this bird stood continuously upon one leg, motionless. This is quite evidently a symbol of the meditative spirit. There may also have been some reference to the central mystery of the Aeon of Osiris, the secret guarded so carefully from the profane, that the intervention of the male was necessary to the production of children. In this form of Thoth, he is seen bearing the phoenix wand, symboli sing resurrection through the generative process. In his left hand is the Ankh, which represents a sandal-strap; that is to say, the means of progress through the worlds, which is the distinguishing mark of godhead. But, by its shape, this Ankh (crux ansata) is actually another form of the Rose and Cross, and this fact is perhaps not quite such an accident as modern Egyptologists, preoccupied with their attempted refutation of the Phallic school of Archeology, would have us suppose.

The other form of Thoth represents him primarily as Wisdom and the Word. He bears in his right hand the Style, in his left the Papyrus. He is the messenger of the gods; he transmits their will by hieroglyphs intelligible to the initiate, and records their acts; but it was seen from very early times that the use of speech, or writing, meant the introduction of ambiguity at the best, and falsehood at the worst; they therefore represented Thoth as followed by an ape, the cynocephalus, whose business was to distort the Word of the god; to mock, to simulate and to deceive. In philosophical language one may say: Manifestation implies illusion. This doctrine is found in Hindu philosophy, where the aspect of Tahuti of which we are speaking is called Mayan. This doctrine is also found in the central and typical image of the Mahayana school of Buddhism (really identical with the doctrine of Shiva and Shakti). A vision of this image will be found in the document entitled "The Lord of Illusion". (See Appendix.)

The present card endeavours to represent all the above conceptions. Yet no true image is possible at all; for, firstly, all images are necessarily false as such; and, secondly, the motion being perpetual, and its rate that of the limit, c, the rate of Light, any stasis contradicts the idea of the card: this picture is, therefore, hardly more than mnemonic jottings. Many of the ideas expressed in the design are well expounded in the extracts from The Paris Working. (See Appendix.)

THE ERECTION OF MORNINGTOWN

2007-06-05T14:04:00.001-07:00

slo-mo full-blast

2007-05-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

one two three its you its me

2007-05-20T01:41:00.000-07:00

awoke this morning and shortly thereafter cut to a card in the ol' tarot deck

"the devil's going to phone today" i thought, later buddy did call and i peaced him out.

climbed to the top of a big blue bridge and now have a new highest piss off a structure.

venus, so bright tonight.

2007-05-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

babble sex

2007-05-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

So I find myself in Victoria, BC - new life in a new city, new identity, new friends, new tattoo, new thoughts, new feelings, new experiences - kind of seems cheap to sum it up that way but it'll get the ball rolling.

Coffee keeps you quick, tobacco keeps you sharp, alcohol opens doors, marijuana makes you a genius - I like how KRC put it, something along the lines of, "I know why y'all like smoking weed so much - it's because you're more likely to think new thoughts." And maybe it's true - i seem to find myself persuing novelty at every turn, even going so far as to finding myself in some stranger's truck with his cock in my mouth as he's going on and on about how big it is. decisions - seems they can take a guy some funny places... i feel a little bewildered when i think about the combination of circumstance and thought process that lead to the aforementioned scenario - here, i'll try to lay out the scene:
karaoke night at the "gay bar", six dollar doubles (gin/ginger ["turns me into a slut," i may or may not have been heard to say]), sang a couple of songs i'd never attempted before (b. dylan - subterrainean homesick blues, like a rolling stone), along comes buddy who says, "you looin' for anything tonight?" to which i respond, "i'm always looking for another LSD hookup." buddy says, "that's not exactly what I had in mind." so i press him a bit and he's not selling pot or anything else for that matter, so what's buddy's deal? i'm asking myself. "i want to give you a beej," he tells me and at first i'm left grasping for what he could possibly be talking about, then "oh" as realization dawns. i tell him i'll get back to him. so i'm outside smoking with zanny and buddy comes out and asks me to go for a walk with him. zanny splits. i tell buddy that i'm flattered but not really down with the idea, would prefer to get to know him before even concidering the possibility, &c.. buddy insists that i go for a walk with him and, well, sure, why not i'm thinking. the walk, however, was about twenty meters over to his truck, which i got into, and we're rolling down the road and he's all, "man i'm really pitching a rod here," and i'm giggling, giddy, reveling in the attention, and i get caught up in it, reach over, start kneeding his cock through his pants. "you like that?" he asks me, "seems alright," i say, and it did seem alright, you know? regardless of how i'd felt previously it just seemed completely normal. so buddy parks the truck at the end of a road looking out over the water and takes out his dick and is stroking it

the way i keep thinking about it is that now i've got another experience to reference to. also though i'm left with this lack of closure, see, 'cause we exchanged phone numbers and thusfar i've just been avoiding him. alcohol opens doors sure but golly, the doors, what's behind some of 'em.

I looked out the window just now to see a crow sitting on a powerline just outside. directly preceeding that i was wondering whether or not i should write about my recent experiences with crows. yesterday i sat down outside to do just that and as i started i heard a noise that caused me to look up: crow in the powerlines. here's the deal: was walking around downtown yesterday looking for something to do and hoping to run into someone, and stopped to look at a crow. "i'd like to get to know you" i said, and it flew off down the road and up and perched atop the corner of a building. i walked down there and looked up and asked "where to next" and the crow flew off down another road and around a corner and out of sight. so i walked that way and ran into jzyh.

and i don't mean to read into this more than i should, you know, i'm just taking note of things as i become aware of them. there was also this really powerful encounter with a pair of crow's feet at shawn & sarah's home in vancouver when meg & i were high on LSD.

speaking of animals, i've been sheltered in a house that is home to (in addition to we five primates) two cats, a dog, and a rat who lives above around and behind the stove. for some reason it is the rat i am most excited about building a relationship with.

speaking of relationships
romance with zanny - maybe too early to say at this point or maybe i just don't feel up to getting into it at this exact moment see i've been pounding away at this thing for hours.

oh and just then kinley phones with promise of free beer.

from here to now

2007-05-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

Raindrops
Will turn to laughter
Forever after
In your technicolor heartbeat